04 August 2011

The Tears Dry, Though.

What Sucks Is That I'm Leaving The Same Legacy For MY Progeny.

It hurts when, being the oldest son in the family, your dad-- father, I mean [difference there; ask me some other time] never calls to see "howzit, kid?"

Not once in 7 months of his grand-daughters' birth have I been on the receiving end of a call, social, familial or otherwise.

I think, in the same 7 months, I heard from my half-brother... let's see... Once? On facebook? mafia wars request? I think so, yah...

And my sister-- she messaged me to tell me to call my dad. On father's day-- or my father on dad's ... what the fuck ever.

Yeah. I was at Wisteria. No phone signal. Notice I didn't miss any messages from my whelp, either.

And my ... and Flower. I don't visit 'blog' anymore; I don't read the words that 'supposedly' won me.

Eighteen months later, and don't want to write on blogger, because I don't want those who know me online-- those who I might still convince I am capable of, against all odds, succeeding-- I can't journal my failures to be a real man here daily. I can't take the shame. Sorry...

No, baby momma. No, father. No, sis.

I don't like me. I don't show me.

Slainte.

27 comments:

Kyddryn said...

I would comment, but would it matter?

SHade and Sweetwater,
K

Momlady said...

You ARE loved.

Mayberry said...

Cygnus, we all make mistakes. We all succumb to weakness or temptation at some point in our lives, failing ourselves and others. But shutting down and shutting out is not the answer my friend. No, you need to pick yourself up, dust off, and right the wrong. You may not like yourself now, but K and Momlady obviously care for you. Don't bow down to defeat! Shame? The only real shame in life is when a man allows himself to be broken. I don't pretend to know your life's history, but I do know a few bits that you've written about, and I know you've had a rough go of it. But you are not a failure, Cygnus. You helped bring a beautiful child into the world. You have people who love you. Don't give up on them. Most of all, don't give up on yourself. Slainte, my friend, in the truest meaning of the word.

Unknown said...

Lovely blog & post!!

An Gàidheal Pàganach said...

Cygnus:

Please don't let other people bring you down, there is a song, "No matter what you do; no matter what you say; we're the song that's outta tune; with beautiful mistakes". We all have to make mistakes, without them we would not learn, nor appreciate the beauty of life and living it.

No matter what you may think of yourself, there are those that care; those that appreciate you. It's just we sometimes forget that may not always be our own family.

Try to stay strong, and appreciate all that you are.

laughingwolf said...

well shit, mac... i finally got close to my old man [father] and he up and died...

moved from nova scotia to the niagara area, early july, after uprooting myself from bc to go parent my 3 kids after ex took major stroke [remains unable to speak, paralyzed on right side] for nearly 15 years... got one call, younger daughter... birthday coming up, will see if i get a call, or even a card...

at least my pup loves me....

Glider said...

do you work hard evryday?
want to seek a funny and relaxe break?

there are short games will be found on my blogger..
hope you have fun on it~~

aravind said...

Hi there! Just happened to visit your blog and felt sad for you. You have to learn to love yourself, my friend. You dont need validations from anybody. Build your confidence. Go and get a book and learn how to do it. Dont worry. Just shower love to all those dear to you and dont expect fulfillment only if they reciprocate. Be a man!

muamat said...

Awesome blog.

Anonymous said...

Tory Burch Flip Flops as well as these fashions big ka were this shoe's bean or sweet potato starch noodles, the scandal girl act the leading role Blake Lively to pat to once were wearing well from Lanvin and the Jimmy Choo round head splicing design low-heeled shoes, afterward, Emma Roberts has also put on one pair from the Salvatore Ferragamo high-heeled shoes
not only looked like the stars to throw the ticket has given it, started including the luxury goods to note its being lucky, the young female student might choose the color to be bright, the lovable design; The makings female may choose metal Baotou to design the Tory Burch Boots; The nous female may choose the bare color and the cream color matches traditional the black and white, in addition, this kind of shoe, because the color is outstanding enough, therefore may appear the calf is thinner, suited these to want to elongate the thigh line female student ~ Ralph the Lauren 2012 spring summer women's Tory Burch Flats series to deduct a low key aristocrat young girl should truly to put on any Tory Burch Sandals!

strat said...

I admire your courage and your strength.
windshield replacement nj

slotmachines said...

Hey Cygnus, don't give up!

Set goals and take the first baby step now. Keep on writing your blog.

Online Casino UK

fiphylia said...

its true :)(:
just build up more on you confidence
btw, follow my blog back!
http://fiphylia.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Hi everyone,

I found an easy way to go for travel !!

That is online purchase
express bus tickets from Easibook...

It is a FREE AND EASY!! we have the largest fleets of coaches / buses from Singapore and Malaysia
Most popular trips are: 1) Buses from Singapore to and fro Kuala Lumpur (KL), Malacca, Penang, Genting Highlands, Cameron Highlands, Ipoh, Alor Setar, Kuantan, Kota Bharu (Kelantan), Kuala Terengganu and Hatyai in Thailand.
2) Buses from Kuala Lumpur (KL) to and fro Singapore, Penang, Johor, Malacca, Kuantan, Kelantan, Terengganu, Alor Setar and Ipoh and Hatyai in Thailand
3) Buses from Penang to and fro Kuala Lumpur (KL), Johor, Singapore, Ipoh, Malacca, Genting Highlands, Hatyai Thailand and various parts of Malaysia.
4) Buses from Johor to and fro Kuala Lumpur (KL), Penang, Singapore, Ipoh, Malacca, Genting Highlands, Hatyai Thailand and various parts of Malaysia.
5) Buses from Ipoh to and fro Kuala Lumpur (KL), Singapore, Penang, Malacca, Genting Highlands, Negeri Sembilan and various parts of Malaysia. Besides this, still got many promotion in Easibook.

For more detail information, please visit to www.easibook.com.


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DERC said...

thank you

Naum Franpos said...

as a
smart number provider you need to have a vanity number

Unknown said...

Live your life and remember: When normal things are gone, everything will become so valuable with you ^^

Unknown said...

Want to earn money online without any kind of investment then please visit http://myonline-busines.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon every
day. It will always be useful to read articles from other authors and use a little something from other sites.

Resume writer @ professional resume writing service

Debbie Reece said...

why is it my eyes have never seen this before? shame on them. Your words, oh your words how they were missed....let these eyes see more and more....well, THIS sister, THIS podna, checks on you dang near daily and until I take my last breath, OR the internet goes down, whichever comes first, that will happen. Precious words...my podna my brother.

Martha Johnson said...

Great Blog post
Book online bus ticket from Redbus

Jiya Roy said...

Arrange visit Gurgaon Escorts diminish and opt for Gurgaon Escort offerings in Gurgaon and admire with them. If you prefer the right one from the becoming agency, you can be devoted with the best services.
Gurgaon Escorts
Gurgaon Escorts
Kolkata Escorts
Kolkata Escorts

Benjamin David said...

ESD Wrist Strap is a basic and widely facility in ESD equipment usage, which is very convenient for workers to operate and enables them to ground while working on the Sensitive Electronics. It is compose of a wrist loop and grounding wire, the wrist loop is in contact with the skin directly. Here's information about esd wrist strap, read on to know.

Benjamin David said...

Smmcart provider is one of the highest-rated Smmcart in the market. Watch your traffic grow to new heights when you select our SMM services to increase your engagement, video ranks, and follower count on all your social media accounts. If you are thinking about buying Instagram Follower, Facebook, YouTube, Tiktok, Linkedin, Like, Twitter Comment, Like and View, then you are at the right place today. In this article, we are going to discuss the Buy Facebook Page Likes process in detail.

News Par Views said...

At the first India-England Test, ravichandran ashwin and Ravindra Jadeja gave a great performance in the first session of the first day.